Friday 8 February 2013

Brisvegas...

Well today is the day everyone is gathering in Brisbane for the finale party - geez I wish I could be there!  I would love to meet the girls I have been facebooking with and the girls who have supported me via the forums...  If you are in Brisbane please have a huge dose of fun for me!! 

Well after all the rigmarole my sons appt was postponed for 2 weeks!!   The specialist is on holidays and wanted to see us personally - I hope its not a bad news thing... Nope pushing that thought out of my mind - of course it is a good news thing - he just wants to deliver the news himself....

So instead of going to Brisbane... I am off to softball...  Yeah I know - it's no where near as exciting or as impressive but I will be watching online, my family and I are having a finale 'party' with me!  So we will be there cheering you on too!

Any way, I wanted to bring up something I have recently noticed about myself... I still think like a fat person...  OK so how exactly does that differ from a skinny persons thinking...

It's quite simple - it comes down to self esteem...  Being over weight has really crashed my self esteem, but it's getting better...  I still wait for others to pass down shopping isles because I dont think we would both fit, and as I was the fat one I would always let people pass first...

I still look at other fat people and smile a sympathetic smile trying to convey, 'Hey, I know and I understand.'

I still look at the same type of cover me up clothes - even though the pretty things will fit me now...

I think this is my next big hurdle to over come.  My mind set.  I have got the right mind set for diet and exercise but day to day life is different.  I look forward to going to uni and not being the fattest one in the class.  I am not the fattest Mum in my kids classes any more - in fact the cricket coach commented on how good I was looking! (and he's cute too)  Hell my youngest sons teacher in a part time underwear model!!!!  It's a school of hotties! Wow, my mind went totally off topic there...

Anyway I was thinking (whilst sitting on the bottom of the shower...again) that perhaps we are a product of society, and by that I mean we are a society of consumers, we eat fast, play fast, and live fast...  When I was a kid (back in the 70s - shh) I used to ride to and from school everyday - at first my Mum would ride with me, with my brother strapped into a seat at the back of her bike, then I rode myself , and then I rode with my brother - this was 3kms each way - nowadays we would catch a bus or we would drop off our kids... Hell, my Mum didn't learn how to drive until the mid 80's - we only had one car so why would she!?!

After school we would do dancing lessons, or sports practise or we would play in the street till we were called in for dinner - then after dinner we would watch an hour of TV and head off to bed... There was no homework till high school, so we weren't stuck to a computer or behind a desk... The only cartoons on TV were on Saturday mornings and if you got home from school in time you might catch the Brady Bunch before heading off to play...  On the weekends, after sport, we would meet up at the park where would only stop playing for food (a vegemite sandwich and an apple) there was no elaborately filled lunch box with every sort of chocolate or lolly available to man...  We would save or pocket money and buy a mixed bag of lollies for 50 cents and it would last us all week...

I sometimes long for the simpler days, especially for my kids... My year 5 student has to do minimum of an hour homework a day and my year 3 has to do 40 mins...  Then when they finish they dont want to go outside and shoot hoops or ride their bikes up and down the street, they want to play Wii or on their ipads, of go on facetime with their mates... 

I know times are changing, but when I look back over my class photos from primary school maybe one out of 30 kids were over weight, now my kids class photos are full of over weight kids... it's now about 6 out of 30.... and as parents it is our responsibility to ensure that our children are healthy.  To say 'NO.' to them when they ask for crap food rather than giving in and buying them Maccas because it's easier...

Sure a takeaway meal every now and then is ok - but every now and then isn't once or twice a week - it's once or twice a month...

-- OK End Rant --

I have actually been scared to go over 1200 cals (even by 1 calorie) so for the last 2 days I have pushed myself to go over, just by 5 cals or so - I just wanted to prove to myself that the world wont fall down and I wont suddenly gain back the 21kgs I have lost...

I am also using this new round as a way to integrate the program into my life, rather than making it my life... I need to know I can do this on my own, and I can maintain it after the program is over...  I still have 11kgs till goal weight - which I hoping to get to by the end of the round, but during this time I am also going to readjust my life - it's kinda like what I imagine getting out of rehab is like...

Well I better get going - I have a softball match to play... yikes... I will be thinking of you all tonight and looking for your faces in the crowd!



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