Sunday, 13 January 2013

Entry 34 - Dec 2012

Well another 700gm loss for me... Which means I have officially just lost over 10kgs!! Milestone #1, check!

However I am not yet resigned to losing about this each week, I can't reach my target this way!!

Also really sore thighs from the PT session - but I didn't try to take my shirt off whilst on the loo this morning.


So there are a few things that I haven't shared with you all, mainly because they are personal and some of them are painful... but I need to share them now, so I can explain a few things...

I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and because of this I am unable to carry a pregnancy to term. This year my husband and I got pregnant, twice, through IVF, and I carried the baby to 9 weeks and 6 days (both times) The last baby would have been due on Christmas day...

Anyway, I won't let it get me down. Don't get me wrong, I was really sad after the miscarriages, devastated in fact. I cried and hid under a blanket for about a week. I liken it to a metamorphosis, I went into a cocoon and emerged a stronger and more determined person. The last time I emerged more determined to look after my health and be grateful for the two children I have. Neither of my boys are ours by blood, the are in the foster system, but have both lived with us since they were babies, and we love them as though they were our own.

I will not try to conceive again. Matt and I decided that we need to focus on the 2 boys we have and also have just been asked to consider taking on a 3rd child in the new year. We are considering it... but it's not an easy decision, I have signed up to do 2 years of full time uni and we are planning on taking the kids to Borneo next year, both things I can't do with a new baby. Well the Borneo trip would be fine, but going through the legal bodies to get passports and permissions took us 2 years to take the boys to Fiji for 10 days!

So, the point I am trying to make is that having PCOS makes it harder to lose weight and easier to gain, so I always put weight loss in the too hard basket. Plus I have demands on my time at the moment that are above and beyond what I usually do, with my oldest having chemo, the birth parents have access visits, as do the bio grandparents, and they all seem to surface this time of the year... NO EXCUSES I know, I really am trying, but I don't want you all to think I am slacking off - but I need my arse kicked in case I am...(feel free to kick it as you see fit)

Back to the point... I wasn't sure how (if at all) this program would help and have been incredibly happy with my journey so far. But because I am so determined, little weight losses are getting me down, even though the logic side of my brain is telling me to be happy with it, I want it to happen faster, and I am riddled with guilt if I miss a training day or if I don't burn at least 500 Cals... The diet thing isn't really too hard for me, but I miss bread, big crusty loaves of fresh, fluffy white bread with real butter are my kryptonite... ***snap back to reality***

So, my plan of attack to get back to my big losses are this; I will try to incorporate a cardio session in each day, make it a daily thing, then the toning and core stuff is additional - I was predominately doing daily cardio when I was losing the bigger numbers. I will try this for the next 2 weeks to see if it helps get me back to my 1kg a week goal, otherwise the targets I set in pre-season are no going to be achievable... and I don't want to go there just yet...

How did you all go?

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