Sunday, 13 January 2013

Entry 55 - Jan 2013

Today I would just like to shoot the breeze with you all, there are a few things that I have been tossing up whether or not to put in my blog - but I figure if I can put a nearly naked picture of my me at my fattest up here why can't I tell you the balls out, honest truth??

When I first signed up for this program, I did it without telling anyone, whilst sitting in my office one night - hey who is going to know if I fail if I don't tell anyone??

Then I cried, I must have cried for a good 30 minutes... At the time I thought I was crying because I was so down on myself for being a fatty and admitting defeat before I had even started...

But in hind sight I think I was grieving... I know it sounds weird but I truly think I was grieving for the loss of my lifestyle. It wasn't a healthy lifestyle but hey, it was mine and I owned it!. I was renowned for begin a great cook, and cooking the most delicious and decadent foods, plus no-one quite cooks a roast like me...

I think that I had surrounded myself with food and food past times (baking, cooking, cake-decorating etc) in order to excuse the fact that I had become so big. How can anyone be around that much food and not eat it, right?? I bet a lot of you are the same, or are renowned for a food related activity... like going out to eat a lot, or being the take away king or queen...

It wasn't until about the 1st week in I realised this, and at the same time I realised I could still have the same 'food-type' recognition but instead of doing the best roasts I would make the yummiest low calorie food, food so good that you wouldn't even know it's low calorie... I also realised I didn't have to go without all the foods I loved.

I can still have a yummy roast meal - I just control my portion sizes - and if truth be told, I don't like them as much any more. In fact our tradition of having a Saturday roast (everyone comes here for dinner) has now changed to Saturday curry night. And not one person has complained - instead I get complimented on how the low fat curry tastes as good if not better than a full fat version! Although I did get a few complaints about the windy after effects...

My father is really very fat (XXL tops) He is English and they were raised poor, Angela's Ashes poor. But throughout his teens he was sporty, he actually played goal keeper for the reserve Manchester United team, well back in his day (50 years ago) all throughout my childhood he was active Dad and would run around with us, but his eating never changed. Salt on everything and potatoes (usually chips) with every meal. When I say salt on everything - I mean everything - he even has butter on toast with salt, salt on pizza, and salt on sausage rolls - everything!!

Then as he stopped being active Dad he started to put on weight. In my teenage years he had multiple heart attacks and triple bypass surgery later on, but still he hasn't changed his eating patterns. So, I grew up this way too. Although I was always playing a sport or doing athletics etc etc so what I ate didn't matter too much back then - not like it does now!

It scary to think that these little things influence our children so dramatically. I can't blame my Dad for my weight problems today, as I was also raised by my ultra clean eating mother, who even when I was a kid grew, she grew/raised our own veggies and fruit and eggs. But I think as all 'Daddy's little girls' know - you do what Daddy says, not Mummy... boy how that changed later on in life... But I have notices that my kids are changing too - tonight I have had a request for special sausages and Cauliflower mash (the recipe I wrote a few pages back) So I will make these and I might enter them in the competition too...

From very early on in life I had decided that I wanted to regret doing things rather than regret not doing them... In other words I was going to do everything, take on anything and never say, NO! This philosophy has been a tremendous amount of fun, a huge amount of trouble but something I have forgotten recently. However I don't think that when I decided to adopt this philosophy I included eating everything - and I ate a lot - but that is past tense and now I am healthy eating Haze!

I did some food shopping yesterday (I shop daily at them moment - but yesterday was just fruit mainly, I bought lots of berries, and berries are not cheap ($7.99 for a punnet of blackberries!) but I am still better off financially than I was before. I think it is because now I only buy what I need, not whatever I want. And without all the junk food and soft drinks our grocery bill has come down by about $200-$300 per week!!! Which is handy because over our Christmas/Birthday month we spent waaaaay too much... I will have to work on the spends too much issue shortly or I'm never going to get to wear my bikini in Borneo (Major 1 year Goal)

Speaking of stretch marks (did you like that segway?) is there actually any way to get rid of them? Or will I have these reminders of my fat forever? Also, has anyone had laser hair removal? (PCOS makes for a lot of unwanted facial hair) I was thinking of having it done but am a bit worried that it doesn't work, or you get scars from it... I think my tweezer fingers are the part of my body that gets worked on the most!

I must thank you all again for your posts - it is nice to know you are all still reading it (Sally I haven't heard from you for a while I hope you are still going strong!) And I loved Vanessa's comment about reading this blog from the start! You guys and gals warm my heart!!

Love to you all - and thanks for 'Listening'.

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